I love him
by Elenathefanficlover
Summary: A story about Allen/Lavi/Lenalee
1. Chapter 1

I don't own anything

Further chapters are going to come soon.

* * *

I knocked on the door. Kanda opened the door and looked annoyed at him. 'Go away Moyashi.' And he wanted to close the door in my face. But I did my foot between the door. 'No, Kanda wait! I only wanted to ask if you know where Lavi is.' I hoped he knew where he was. Today I had to tell him that I loved him. I tried to hide my love for him, but it wasn't possible. He cheered me up when I was down, he gave me a hug when I needed him, and he always made me laugh. Kanda looked still annoyed at me. 'I don't know where he is, neither do I know where Lenalee is, you and Komui should leave me alone.' I got a bad feeling in my stomach. 'Alright.. Thanks.' Kanda already closed the door again. Where could he be? He wasn't in the canteen, he wasn't in his room, he wasn't in the hospital. And Kanda said Komui was also searching for Lenalee. The two of them alone.. I walked to Lenalee's room. He probably wasn't there but I just had to check. I just wanted to open the door when I heard her saying something to someone else. I heard my name. 'Don't you think Allen will be mad at us?' I stood frozen for the door. 'Why should he?' The voice who answered her.. It couIdn't be him. There was only one way to know for sure. I opened the door and looked at them with horror in my eyes. It was him. He and Lenalee on her bed. I didn't want to look further but my eyes didn't stop.

He was on top of Lenalee with his shirt off, kissing Lenalee. They hadn't noticed me yet.

I felt like my heart exploded. I ran away without looking over my shoulder. I heard Lenalee calling me, but I didn't care. I just ran away from this place. After a half hour I stopped. I was wet of the rain and my tears. I hadn't noticed that I was crying. The picture of Lenalee and Lavi kissing was in my head. How? Why? When? How could they be together as a couple? I always thought they were friends. But I never imaged them as a couple. I thought Lenalee liked me. Sometimes she flirted with me. And why? If she didn't like me, I would think she liked Kanda. And why didn't Lavi tell me he liked Lenalee? He always told me who he liked. It hurt but I could deal with it. The most time it were stupid girls with big boobies and big asses. But the last questions when, I really don't have an answer on. When it happened. I never saw them flirting or talking. If I wasn't gone to Lenalee's room, would I ever notice? Would I ever know what happened between them? I don't think so, I would always be blind. And maybe someday, when I told Lavi I liked him he would tell me that he already loved Lenalee. And I would be heartbroken. I'm glad I didn't told him I liked him yet.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the late update, I was on holiday and I didn't have my computer with me.

More updates are gonna come soon (This time for real :P)

Hope you'll like it.

* * *

I opened my eyes and rubbed my eyes. I stood up and looked around.

The memories of yesterday came back. I fell asleep outside, and a few hours later Komui woke me up and we walked together back to the order. He didn't ask why I fell asleep outside. He said he had enough problems himself. He didn't tell me what problems. But I think I know what kind of problems. He might have seen Lavi and Lenalee too. Maybe he forbid Lenalee to have a relationship with Allen. I sighted, I shouldn't think that way. I'm his friend, I should be happy for him. I should be happy that he found someone he loved. He was more lucky than I am. But how hard I tried, I couldn't be happy for him. I knew that even if he wasn't dating Lenalee, he still wouldn't like me anway. So I stood up and did some push-ups. Maybe I could go boxing, and box the picture of Lenalee and Lavi out of my head. Or I could buy a punchball. I shaked my head. I just needed to act normal. It wasn't their fault.

An half our later I went downstairs to get some breakfast. Lenalee and Lavi were both sitting on the kitchen table with Kanda. They left a place over for me, but I ignored them. Just looking at them hurt me right now. I'll talk to them later maybe, when I had eaten something and calmed down a bit. So I sat down at a table with some finders. When I stood up and walked out of the canteen I saw Lenalee following me.

'Allen-kun, Can I talk to you for a second?' I stopped and looked at her. What did she want from me? Probably saying sorry or something. 'Allen, I'm so sorry abouy yesterday. You're probably hurt that we didn't tell you that we're together. But we really wanted to tell you.' I can't believe she actually thinks I'm hurt because they didn't tell me. 'Lenalee-chan, I don't mind about that' I sighted. 'Alright, thank you Allen-kun.' Lenalee seemed to take that as apology accepted. I frowned. 'We're just together for a few weeks. Oh, Allen-kun, Lavi is amazing. But I shouldn't bother you with it. I actually thought you two were together, you were so close. Lavi told me he liked you in the first, but because he thought you would never like him back, he gave up on you.' She chuckled. I just stared at her. '…He liked me?' Lenalee smiled and nodded. 'Funny, isn't it? I would have been jealous if I hadn't known you didn't like him the same way. But I know you see each other as brothers.' Lenalee looked like she thought the whole story was a joke. 'to be honest, I liked you too. But Allen-kun belongs to a special person, doesn't he?'

I tried to smile. But I failed. A special person.. Lavi was special for me. I felt really stupid for not telling him earlier. There was even a chance to get together with him, but I hadn't seen it. It was true we were so close, but I never thought Lavi would like me. 'So where is Lavi right now?' Lenalee pointed to the library. 'He's in the library, doing something for Bookman. He looked like he needed some help. Maybe you can go to him?' She probably thought I wanted to tell him I was happy for him or something. So I just I nodded and thanked her.

I had one thing to do, one thing to show him. I stood for the door and took a deep breath. 'I hope I'm making the right choice.' And I opened the door. Lavi was sleeping on the bank. I closed the door and walked towards him. 'Lavi, wake up.' And I shaked his shoulder a little. Lavi's eyes opened sleepy. I knew it was now or never. I took again a deep breath and kissed him. I put all my feelings for him in the kiss. Lavi kissed me back first, but when he realized it was me he stopped. 'Allen, what are you doing!' I saw anger and sadness in his eyes. 'I love you, Lavi. I love you since the day I met you. But I was too scared to do anything. I wanted to tell you this Yesterday.' But then I saw you and Lenalee. I was so stupid for not telling you earlier when you weren't dating her.

I wanted to walk quickly away but Lavi grapped my hand. 'Allen.. you're too late. I'm dating Lenalee.' I nodded a little. I already knew that. I just wanted to make my point. I couldn't make myself look at him, so I stared to the books on the table. 'I'm sorry for kissing you. I just wanted to tell you how I feel about you, even if it's too late.' Lavi shrugged and stood up. 'It's indeed too late. ' I nodded and stood up as well. I left with saying something like 'bye'. I couldn't speak anymore.

If I would talk I would cry for sure. And I didn't want to embarrass me I walked quickly out of the library. Had I looked over my shoulder, I would have seen Lavi crying.

But I didn't, so the only thing I thought about was how stupid I was to kiss him. I didn't think that I might had hurt Lavi too. Was it too late for us both to have a future together? Just because I declared my love a few weeks to late? I sighted, while I rubbed my tears angry away. Maybe I could try it again when Lavi and Lenalee broke up. That thought made me feel a little bit better. Maybe I couldn't get him now, but I still had enough time. But what if Lenalee and Lavi never broke up, and were going to marry? Maybe Komui would be happy for them instead of angry. I sighted again, I would never know the answer, would I? and fell asleep again.


	3. Chapter 3

Gonna update soon again :) Please review~

* * *

Lavi POV

I rubbed the tears angrily away. Bookmen shouldn't care about somebody so much.

But Allen said the words I longed for a long time to hear. I tried to make him mine, but it was as if he was blind. After some time I was sure he wouldn't like me the same way. So I just liked him without anyone noticing. Everyone thought Allen and Lenalee would end up together anyway so why should I tell anyone? The only thing what they would do is being sorry for me. But I wasn't sorry for myself.

They were kind of made for each other. If Allen was happy, I was happy. And Lenalee really seemed to be the right girl for Allen, she really loved him. So I wasn't surprised to hear Lenalee liked Allen.

But a few weeks ago Lenalee and I drank too much and we kissed. I tried to ignore her but I had to talk to her, Leanlee was a friend of me too. The only reason why I was avoiding her was because of Allen. If I broke Allen's heart with making out with the girl he loves, I would never forget myself. Too bad for me Lenalee obviously wanted a relationship with me. So we talked and I tried to come away with 'Bookmen can't have relationships' but I had to give in to her. I liked Lenalee a bit too.

I think that if I had never met Allen, Lenalee and I would be together. Well, maybe not together. But I wouldn't mind dating her. Of course there would always be the option that Lenalee and Kanda would be together. It seemed like Kanda cared the most about Lenalee from us three. Not that it especially had to be love. Kanda always talked about someone he loved, and that he couldn't die because of her. I never took him too seriously so I'm not sure what's the story about him and that girl. But now, in this time and place, I liked Lenalee a little bit too. Not as much as Allen, but at least I had someone to love, to talk to. I said I liked Allen too, but my crush was over. That could explain why I avoid her first, without saying something that hurt her. Not that it was even a little bit true, I was still madly in love with Allen.

Every day when I saw him, every time I had a mission with him, every day we did something together, I knew I still loved him. I loved him more than anyone in the world. So first when Lenalee and I were kissing, hugging, or made love, I fantasied it was Allen.

Allen hugged me, Allen kissed me, Allen told me he loved me. I even dreamed of him. But there moments I spend with Lenalee were nice. It was as if we were best friends, I could talk with her about anything except Allen. I mostly made her laugh with one of my jokes, and people who saw us laughing looked jealous at us. And now, when I finally forgot him a little bit, he kissed me , and told me he loved me. And I told him it was too late. Too late, because I have an relationship with Lenalee. I just couldn't tell the truth and make him happy, no I had to hurt him. I could slap myself because of my foolishness. And now I have to cheer him up. I can't stand it if Allen is sad. I don't know how I could possibly make the situation even a little bit better, since I was the cause of it. But I'll just have to do what I can, even when it's not much. So I went to Allen's room.

I took a deep breath and knocked on his door. Allen opened the door, looked at me and closed it again. I already was afraid he would do that. I'll just had to wait 'till tomorrow. 'Lavi, wait?' I turned around. 'Allen?'

I walked back to him. 'Why did you close the door?' That wasn't actually the question, it was more 'Why did you open the door again.' But that would be a little weird, I think. 'I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting to see you.' Did he mean 'Leave me alone, you bastard' In Allen language? 'Can I come in?' Allen nodded and let me in his room. I sat down on his bed. I saw his pillow was wet. I felt really sorry for making him cry. Allen sat down next to me. 'Lavi..' I looked in his eyes. I knew that he wanted to tell me he was okay, but I knew he wasn't. 'Allen, I'm sorry.'

I tried to say more but Allen shook his head, and I looked surprised at him. 'Lavi, I'm the one who's sorry. Sorry for everything. I'm sorry for kissing you, I'm sorry for making you so.. sad.' This really surprised me. How could he see I was sad? 'Lavi, you were always the one who has made me laughing. You were always so cheerful and happy. And now, look at you. You look as sad as when we fought and were on the losing hand. We aren't in a battle right now, but you look like you do. And I know somehow, it's my fault. So, I'm really sorry for making you like that.' I opened my mouth and closed it again. It was almost as if we were soul mates sometimes. I saw his eyes filling with tears while he was looking at me. 'Allen, please listen to me. You mean really much too me. You're like, the love of my life. But I kept quiet, because you seemed to be in love with Lenalee. And Lenalee with you. But a few weeks ago, Lenalee said she loved me. And we started dating. She told me not to tell you yet. But she knew eventually you would find out. She was about to tell you, when you, err, heard us. But the thing I'm trying to tell you is.. I still like you.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the late update, I had some problems with my computer -.-''

Enjoy~

* * *

I was in shock. He didn't say those words to me. I shook my head. Lavi looked at me and me and said gently. 'Allen, are ya alright?' I looked at him and nodded. 'Yeah, this was just unexpected..'

Lavi nodded with understand. And then I felt his big arms around me. 'I'm sorry It just felt like you needed a hug.' I wanted him to never let me go of me. My face came closer to his face.

All I could think of was about his pretty green eyes, it was as if I was drowning in those eyes.

His head came closer to mine and our hug became tighter. Our eyes were closed and our noses hit each other almost. We tilted our heads a little, and our lips almost met.

'Allen-kun!' Someone knocked on the door. Lavi and I shove away from each other. I stood up and opened the door. 'Yeah?' Lenalee stood in the door opening. 'Do you know where Lavi is?' I nodded and pointed to my bed where Lavi was sitting on. I noticed I was blushing. 'Allen-kun, are you alright?' I blushed even more seeing Lenalee's face. If she only knew Lavi and I almost kissed just a second ago.. 'Er, y-yeah' Lenalee gave me a curious look but gave her attention to Lavi. 'Lavi, Komui asked if you wanted you to come to his room. Probably another mission.'

Lavi nodded and stood up. 'Alright, I'll go to see him. See ya Allen-kun!' I nodded and waved. I couldn't bring myself up to say something.

Lenalee looked curious at me again. 'Allen-kun, did something happen between you and Lavi?' Wow, she hit the bulls eye. Does she have a sixth sense for this or something?

'No, Lenalee-chan. And I smiled at her. I'm going to the canteen, grab some breakfast.' I wanted to walk away but Lenalee stopped me.

'Allen-kun, if something is wrong with Lavi please tell me.' I forced myself to look at her. 'Lenalee-chan, nothing is wrong with Lavi. You worry way too much.'

Lenalee nodded, more convinced now. 'Alright, I'll see you Allen-kun.' I nodded and walked away.

I wasn't really planning on going to the canteen, I hoped I could see Lavi after he spoke to Komui. So I went to Komui's room and waited outside. After a minute or two Lavi came outside.

'Allen, I'm going to-' I hold him tight. 'I'm going to miss you, Lavi.' Lavi nodded and said 'I'll be back in a few days.' I smiled a little. 'Come back save.' Lavi laughed. 'Yeah, I had to promise that to Lenalee as well.' I looked curious at him. 'You have spoken to Lenalee as well?' Lavi nodded and looked sad. 'Allen, you understand we can't be a couple, ra?' I looked in shock at him. 'We c-can't ?' Lavi looked around and took my hand. 'Come for a moment.' Lavi walked to a small room nearby. 'Allen, ya know I have a relationship with Lenalee, ra? But I can't hurt Komui nor Lenalee, and Old Panda will never accept us. And neither will General Cross. ' He looked at me as if I would understand this and could live with it. But I couldn't, those words broke my heart. 'So you don't care about me? If you really loved me, you would break up with Lenalee, even if it meant she would get hurt!' I felt tears coming up, I really needed to get out here, now. 'Lavi looked at me, and he was speechless. I should stay here and comfort him, but I can't think clearly right now. All I knew was that I had to get away, now. I opened the door and walked away, away to my room. I slammed the door behind me and went to my bed. I think I cried for an whole hour. I woke up from Lenalee, she knocked on my door. When I opened she saw I cried, but luckily she didn't say anything about it. 'Allen-kun, Lavi told me that he wanted to say.. he loved you.' Lenalee started to cry. I came closer to her and hugged her. 'Lenalee-chan, what's wrong?' I was afraid of the answer, my heart bonked so hard in my throat I was sure Lenalee could hear it. '…Lavi told me to tell you that he loved you if he didn't make it back alive.' I hold my breath. 'But Lavi comes back, right Lenalee-chan? He's only an hour away, he really should be alive.' Lenalee looked sad at me. 'Allen-kun, Lavi and his team were attacked by a member of the Noah-clan.. ' Tears streamed again over my face. 'Who? Who was it?' Lenalee cried harder. 'Who Lenalee-chan, who was it?' I said again. Lenalee-chan looked at me and chocked 'Road, it was Road. On his back was written 'Don't you ever come closer to my Allen again. ROAD KAMELOT.'

Lenalee buried her head in her hands. 'Allen-kun, when you were blushing earlier and you told me it was nothing.. what did you do exactly with Lavi?' I hugged her tighter. 'We.. We almost kissed, but we didn't.' Lenalee nodded. 'He's in the hospital right now, he's fighting for his life there. I thought I should fulfill his wish first.. because it could be his last one.'


End file.
